#every relationship of any kind i have ever had with anyone has been built on me pretending to care

[certified-pinkwasher]

oh god im not just fucking aroace am i

i just straight up do not form bonds with people at all

every positive relationship i have with people is transactional as fuck and based purely on how much enjoyment they bring to my life

what the fuck?

what the fuck??????

[bouquetface]

PAC: Next Serious Relationship

I will be detailed asf. This reading won’t be for everyone. Only take as entertainment.

One.

Your next partner:

Curly dark hair, tanned skinned (this person could be mixed or appear racially ambiguous). Age 28-30. Either from somewhere sunny or currently resides somewhere sunny. Nonchalant. Aqua & Scorpio placements.

General reading. Not every reading you come across will resonate. I will not try to appeal to everyone. Just giving honest reads.

Your relationship story:

This won't be love at first sight. This person has a bad reputation. They aren't a cheater but they have spent their twenties messing around. Before you meet, they'll be sick of this bachelor lifestyle. They have many options but they don't trust any of them. They can't imagine a future with them. They fantasize about you a lot before meeting. Their ideal partner, the future you'll have together. They would never admit this to anyone around them but they feel lonely. They miss you before having met you. All this yearning makes me think you have past lives together.

When you meet, it'll likely be through mutual friends. You could be invited to some kind of networking event. Or possibly it's just a party. Very busy place. So many talking you almost can’t hear the people you're talking with. The group you come with will get along with their group. You’ll see each other and their friend group again at future events.

I'll be honest their intentions at the start aren't the best. They'll be the one to add you on social media. They think you're hot and want to add you to their roster. You'll find them attractive but only want to keep them as friend due to their reputation. You could intuitively know or be warned by a friend. You likely will only hang out in a group the first few times. They'll be bummed out, they haven't been friendzoned ever. It'll actually make them suspicious that you like someone else in your mutual social circle.

This is a slow burn relationship. Trust has to be built before you even seriously consider them as a partner. You don't take any shit. You want to be the one, not an option. They are really forced to work for your time. Like when they ask to hang, you aren’t responding yes immediately. If it’s late at night, you’ll say no, I have work in the morning. Or simply no, it’s late. You aren’t stupid, you know there’s no pure reason for someone to be hitting you up at night like this. Slowly but surely, they’ll realize you are the one they’ve been daydreaming about. This will make them get their act together. They will be proving themselves to you. They see you’re an honest, hardworking person. You could be very busy with college or work. They’ll have a lot of respect for this. Accommodating for your schedule, remembering little things you say about coworkers or professors. You’ll have a lot of inside jokes.

There is an element of surprise here. It’s hard to say what it is when it’s a surprise. They may surprise you by bringing you your favorite drink a few times. They may go research something you’re interested in which could surprise you. This surprise might be what makes you think they’re the one. They may hate that you made them wait so long, but trust me, this person needed that humbling. And it’ll be so worth it. Once they get you, all they’re focused on is keeping you.

⚠️ Warning though!! ⚠️

When you two go official, it's going to upset someone. This is where this pile is divided into two groups. For some, it could be a guy friend you have - he thought he had a chance. His attitude will change towards you when you enter this relationship. You'll tell your person but they won't give a fuck. They’re a confident & secure person. They may even laugh at the idea of this guy thinking he had a chance with you. Your friend will be hurt but move on. I don’t even see the friendship ending in this scenario. Once they meet their own person, all past crushes are forgotten.

Now for the other half of you. It’s not as simple of a situation. For some of you, it is a woman. She's been lurking in your person's past. She isn't an ex. But she is someone who was talking to your person. I did warn you that your person had a past. She thought when he was ready to settle down, he'd choose her. She's likely been hanging around for a year, if not YEARS. Oh, this is a bit sad. I'm hearing Jack Harlow's Lil Secret lmao. "'you confident that we soulmates". She really thought she was the one.

Your person is going to cut off everyone he was talking to when you two get serious. She'll be furious. Then, she’ll be in denial. Likely stalking both your socials for months. She thinks you two won’t last. She is convinced that your person is going to come back for her. Embarrassing.

This won't affect the relationship at all though. You two are destined, you'll be protected from this woman. She’ll disappear after a few months. She is bitter. ngl it’s her fault for building up this idea in her head.

I asked for clarification on this woman. Your person did not promise this woman a relationship. They were honest to all their past hookups that they do NOT want a relationship. This woman is just delusional. But I don’t want to hate too much, a lot of people probably been in her situation before. And for most, she’s not batshit and will move on after a few weeks/months. However, some of you do need to be warned, this woman is a total bitch. Will start rumours/talk shit about you with her friends. She’ll get over it eventually. She has no choice lmao you and your person are a forever couple.

It’s honestly giving rockstar boyfriend. Not to imply that he is going to be a musician. This isn’t likely for most. But the fact he is desired by many and well connected in his city. Very passionate relationship. Major Scorpio vibes. ❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥

Two.

Your Next Partner:

Sag & Cap placements. Religious. Clean & polished style. Tall, Nice smile, blue eyes. Funny, polite & charming. May wear or like watches. Smells nice.

General reading. Not every reading you come across will resonate. I will not try to appeal to everyone. Just giving honest reads.

Your relationship story:

The feminine will be approached in public. This person is polite and straight forward. They may compliment you and ask for your number. Some of you could meet in an academic environment. After the lecture, they could approach you. For other’s, it could be while you run your usual errands.

Although, they’re very charming and respectful, you could be a bit suspicious. Maybe it is because you tell your friends or family, and they warn you. They’ll think or say it’s not normal for a complete stranger to ask someone out anymore. They are coming from a place of concern. They’ll encourage you to set the date somewhere in a public setting and get their socials. This could stress you out a bit. It could feel too soon to put pressure on them by asking/requesting these things. However, they’ll handle it very well. Very understanding & mature. And once you get to know each other and meet each other’s friend groups & families, everyone is super supportive.

They are serious about you from the start. In a non-creep way, they may have been watching you for a while. They see you as a sweet and kind person. You could be very sensitive. They are a bit opposite. They do well under pressure. Their job could be one that requires them to do well under stress. Maybe law enforcement.

You could have something they believe you need protecting from. This could be a sour relationship you have or had. After a few weeks or months of dating, you may open about your past or family. Some of you had a bad relationship with your ex. It left you with low self esteem. For others, you have a family member that puts too much pressure on you. This could be a very controlling parent. This person will be very understanding, they may actually relate to having a tough parent. It’s not that they don’t love their parent though. This parent likely the father may be very tough on them. Your person could be the eldest. They likely grew up feeling responsible for a lot. Feeling like they need to be the perfect example for their younger siblings. & Feeling like they NEED to make their parent’s proud. This conversation will bring you two closer.

This relationship will feel like a blessing from God. If you aren’t religious, you may become open to the idea. Your person isn’t religious in an extreme orthodox way but faith is important to them. They may casually attend a church or temple. They definitely celebrate religious holidays. They will introduce you to their family very quickly. Maybe an event is coming up and they feel it’s the best opportunity to meet everyone. They don’t have a single doubt about you. To them you are their future spouse. They’re very confident about it. Their family will be very kind to you. They will feel you are a bit out of their league. You may be invited to an activity without your spouse. For example, if they have sisters, you could be to invited to a mother-daughter day out. Do your nails, go out for brunch, etc.

No relationship is perfect. But this is relationship is very close to perfect. You guys will likely do a lot of outdoor activities. Camping, beach day, road trip, etc. You create a lot of beautiful memories together. A lot of photos to show your kids.

Everyone will know you as the IT/Power couple. No one has any doubts that you’ll last forever. Friends of yours and theirs may come to you guys for relationship advice. They may tell you guys they wish they could have a relationship like yours. They aren’t jealous in an evil eye way though. They are truly supportive. Your friend’s are fed up with trying to find someone loyal and trustworthy. They’ll tell you dating is so difficult in this day and age. And these conversations will make you so grateful for having found your person. You guys will likely be the oldest relationship in your social circles. Not in age but as in you’ve been together the longest. So you may meet early on in your 20s. Soon, no one will be able to remember a time before you guys were together.

It’s giving Blake Lively & Ryan Reynolds vibes. 💗💗

[ceruark]

*ahem* *slides you a $20*

So… about those other hinted suitors….

I thought you’d never ask~

If you haven't already read it, you can see my Entwined AU here and read about about yandere prince Sunday :>

Imperial Advisor Ratio has all the means to make you his— everything except the status, that is. Having been formally introduced to you as your personal advisor when you were both teenagers, Veritas has long since earned your unwavering trust and faith in him, something he has exploited a great number of times. It’s nice to be needed by you, to be the one you look toward and rely on when uncertainty and insecurity settle in your heart. You alone possess his loyalty and his heart, and he’ll do his best to steer you and your kingdom in the right direction— even if, sometimes, that direction may be toward himself.

It eats him up inside to know that he can’t ever have you. He’s a miserable orphan your mother so graciously picked up off the streets and had her court raise into the perfect advisor, and as far as anyone knows he’s certainly not royalty. He has your trust, he has Welt’s approval, and yet the only thing standing between you and him is the lack of a mere title. 

It doesn’t matter. If he has things his way, you’ll be a ruler who never marries and finds a successor in one of your kingdom’s bright youths. All it will take is sabotaging your personal relationships with any honorable suitors that come your way— and keeping you out of Sunday’s grasp.

Lord Aventurine is one of ten advisors for Emperor Diamond of the IPC, and his honey-coated compliments do nothing to distract you from the way he eyes your empire, your palace— the way he eyes you. You never wanted to give him the time of day, knowing he was only looking to acquire your kingdom for the IPC’s already vast empire. However, despite your efforts, you somehow manage to get wrapped up in conversation with him at every event. He always knows just what to say, knows what political affairs are plaguing your mind and how to get you to express your true opinion of them. It leaves you baffled every time, how someone so obviously possessing ulterior motives could get you to lower your inhibitions and be open with him.

And it’s true, he is after your empire— at least, at first, that’s all it was. But Aventurine does his research, and he manages to get information on everyone of importance: you, your late mother, Imperial Advisor Welt, and of course, that Imperial Advisor Ratio. Yes, he’d heard the tales of how your mother found him out in the rain, scavenging for food, and so kindly took him into the palace and raised him with the specific purpose of being your personal advisor after he proved to have an astounding intellect. He’d heard all about how Ratio from nothing to everything, pampered and treated like a prince by your mother’s court. He felt a twinge of jealousy that someone of similar origin to him could have such a different upbringing, but he brushed it off, not wanting to open old wounds.

And then he meets you. Someone clearly cautious of him, but treating him with kindness and due respect nonetheless. It was refreshing; the IPC were hated by almost everyone, and his past meant he was far less respected than the other advisors. You aren’t immune to his manipulation tactics, and he finds that the more he talks to you, the more he falls. Your heart is far too pure for the life you’ve been born into, and it pains him to think that anyone but him could possibly take advantage of it at any time. And as he manages to slither his way past the walls you’ve so wisely built around yourself, as he beholds you— the real you— he can’t help but feel that it should have been him. Your mother should have found him, and he should be the one you depend on, the one who makes your face brighten and your posture relax at the mere sight of him.

No matter. He’ll find his place by your side, one way or another.

General Jing Yuan of the Xianzhou Luofu is a massively influential and renowned figure in Queen Fu Xuan’s court. The Luofu’s most decorated general in history, he commands respect and admiration in every room he walks into, and his personable demeanor only does him favors. His interest in you is a recent development, sparked by your sharp wit and willingness to flirt back. You’ve clearly become enamored of him, and he’s no exception to the way you seem to captivate every eligible bachelor and bachelorette in the room. Patience is a virtue, and he’s not one to act on jealousy; despite the possessiveness he’s developed over you, he stands a far better chance at winning your hand than anyone else on this list due to his self-control and charm. 

Since the two are already on great terms, the Luofu has no reason to seek out a more solidifying alliance with your kingdom— but surely a marriage between you two can’t hurt, right?

Lady Kafka is a horrible idea wrapped in a tantalizing outer shell. Her empire has nearly tripled in size since she overthrew her kingdom’s rulers a few years ago and seized control, mercilessly and swiftly conquering neighboring regions and expanding her power. 

With the influence she has, Belobog was the first to extend an invitation to her to attend a royal gathering, hoping to establish amicable relations with her. Other kingdoms followed suit, yours included. Choosing to engage with her was one of the few times you disregarded Veritas’s advice, and oh, how you regretted doing that. She took to you quickly, an attractive thing with a powerful empire behind you. You shudder at the feather-light touches she leaves against your arm, her velvety voice doing little to mask the threats she directs toward your kingdom should you deny her affections; if you won’t come to her willingly, she has no qualms about taking you by force. 

Outlaw Boothill is a massive pain in your rear. The most notorious thief in all the kingdoms, his persistent evasion of authorities all around the world leaves you perplexed, frustrated, and somewhat impressed. Wanted by almost every empire, he seems to have an affinity for messing with yours specifically. He’s broken into your palace countless times, stealing anything from dinner plates and cutlery to one of Veritas’s rubber ducks. He’s managed to get into your chambers the past few times, though, and the thought of the missing jewelry and articles of clothing leaves your skin crawling.

Once a knight for a kingdom with cruel rulers, Boothill saw the way your subjects genuinely adore and respect you and decided to do his own research. Masquerading as a palace hand when he’s not out causing chaos, he quickly finds himself flustered by your authenticity and kindness toward all your servants, even him. You’re everything a good ruler should be, and he can’t help but wonder what things could’ve been like for him had he served you. 

He never takes anything of real value from your palace like he does with the other royals— just knowing he’s got your attention is enough of a prize for him.

(hopefully this provides some insight as to why Sunday has such an urgency to slap a ring on your finger LOL)

[shelleysmary]

okay, but in all seriousness, is elrond being too hard on galadriel? the answer is yes. but he is also much younger than her and i think a lot of us can relate to that feeling of being in our early-to-mid-20s and feeling like "right is here, and wrong is there, and why can't these older people see it." sometimes that kind of clarity is needed. this is why generational friction exists, is natural, is necessary to the movements of society. elrond standing up to galadriel and gil-galad after spending s1 mostly in service to them is refreshing because he's finding his voice, he's owning the fact that he is not content to be a herald writing and delivering speeches for others. he cares and he wants to make a difference and speaking out against the rings has been the catalyst for that. at this point in the story elrond is already so many of the things he goes on to be in the third age. he is loyal. he is perceptive. he is wise. but he also lacks experience. he has never been tempted away from the light - probably ever, certainly not by the great deceiver. so it's easy for him to look at galadriel's folly and say "you should have known better. the darkness corrupted you and you let it happen, in part because you wanted it to happen." which technically is a true statement, but the way it feels to galadriel is much different and much more complex, and it's different to us as well because we've been with her every step of the way. we were also seduced by sauron - we were also deceived. but elrond wasn't there. he knows that sauron manipulated his friend; he doesn't know how deeply that manipulation affected her and affects her still, in no small part because galadriel contains a lot of her grief in order to fulfill her roles of commander and self-appointed bulwark against sauron.

we see her in eps1 and 2 desperately trying to make elrond understand her, but elrond doesn't want to hear it. he is frustrated at not being listened to, disappointed in gil-galad and galadriel's willingness to engage with the rings (which, to him, is equivalent to engaging with sauron, for all that he had no hand in their forging), and i would posit that he is also afraid. for middle-earth. for his friends. for himself. because his clarity of vision is being challenged, the right way is becoming obscured, and the stakes have never been higher.

in time, he will learn how easy it is to fall prey to the darkness and - like miv said in an interview - it will make him kinder. the elrond we know in the third age is devoted to healing, unburdening, and the practice of an extraordinary compassion. but those qualities aren't built-in to anyone, not even the first children of iúvatar, not even elrond. they are hard-won - through mistakes made, failures to act as one should. it's natural that he would hurt people along the way - and he has! see durin in s1! what we do know about elrond in the second age is that he tries his best to do good: to act rightly, to keep his word, to seek counsel when he is unsure of the way, to serve all middle-earth and not just elven-kind, to be true to his friends, honor his family... and he isn't afraid to admit when he's been wrong.

if these first eps are any indication, elrond's arc is going to keep carving him into the elf he later becomes and his relationship with galadriel, after these growing pains, is going to come out even stronger, with the mutual trust and near-telepathic understanding we're used to seeing from them in third age media, and i for one can't wait.

[pseudophan]

nora can i just ask… WHAT was he thinking? how was that lie ever going to work when they were doing everything so publicly in 2009? sure you can delete stuff but he must have known it was still out there anyway right? isn’t it pointless to be like i didn’t watch his videos when he was commenting on the interactive adventures like his life depended on it ?? he was trying to convince people he just happened to be in manchester one day with a friend and he just saw phil ???? when we all saw you counting down the days to meeting each other online like WHAT

https://x.com/pinofdnp/status/1855973085771387187?s=46

tweet link (it's one of the infamous 'we met through a mutual friend' claims)

to be fair to them both, if the phandom wasn't as unhinged as it was (is) they could've gotten away with that lie. kind of. dan and phil are hardly pr experts but this isn't really too crazy a move, like yeah the people who know the truth will always know the truth but if you tell a lie enough times then in theory new fans, and people who just never looked into it, are gonna go with your version of events and not question it. the main issue for dan and phil specifically was that their fanbase was essentially built on and around speculation about their relationship and cataloguing any and all proof of it. new fans and casuals often believed the lie at first just because like, why wouldn't they, but the second they stepped foot into the phandom they obviously discovered the not-so-hidden truth, because you didn't have to be a shipper or be looking for Phan Proof in order to come across it, all you had to do is search dan and phil on literally any website with a prominent phannie presence

to their credit they seemed to realise it wasn't gonna work pretty quickly, they abandoned the 'mutual friend' story almost immediately it feels like. then they went with the 'yeah we met online but we met up to collaborate' angle but i kind of feel like they didn't go too hard on that one, probably because they had finally started to learn that Oh My God Say Less Please Say Less Always Say Less Stop Talking Jesus Christ. like by far the most damning part of the clip in the tweet is dan insisting on being like "a lot of people seem to think-" about the actual truth like girl why would you plant that idea in the heads of those who hadn't heard it before. just say you met through a mutual friend and move on like fbsdhjfbdjksf. also at that point they kinda didn't give a fuck anymore, by the time they gave that infamous editing tips interview in 2015 they had long since abandoned trying to convince anyone they didn't meet because dan was an amazingphil fan and desperately wanted to befriend him because of it. the only part they were trying to hide at that point i would say was the whole y'know, fucking and sucking of it all

this whole reply is way too rambly and idk if it makes sense but i guess my point is IF dan and phil had a more casual core viewerbase (and also didn't give up on the lie immediately. and dan was less blatantly defensive about it) they probably could have made it work in the long run, even with the amount of evidence against it. i would go as far as to say that if not every then at least nearly every single influencer/celebrity/public figure of any kind have readily available information about them out there that most people, even fans of theirs, don't know about literally just because they wouldn't think to search for it. like how often does a Major Scandal break about some celeb and some people in the comments are like yea this has been known since 2004 everyone just stopped talking about it, lmao. not that dnp being gay for each other is a scandal but you know what i mean

basically they started telling that lie just as their popularity skyrocketed and i guess the hope was that the massive influx of new people would allow them to rewrite history, but alas...

[bluespiritshonour]

Why is it always Robin has to prove himself to Batman? Be it any Robin. And no, I'm not talking about characters, because Bruce—Bruce is like “Everyone must prove themselves to me but I'm not answerable to anyone” that motherfucker. Very IC.

I'm talking about stories, about narratives—why does every Robin-centric narrative has a “prove themselves to Batman” arc—but Bruce's arc never involves proving himself to anyone?

Why, after the events of the Tower of Babel, Bruce didn't have to work to gain the Justice League's approval? Why didn't he have to work to redeem himself, dammit!

Yes. He had to reveal his identity. But then, it wasn't his idea. It was Clark's. It's fundamentally different from Dick unmasking in front of the Titans: Dick feels in his bones that it isn't fair that he's the only one masked and the Titans are up for mutiny, so he made an executive decision.

It didn't even occur to Bruce to do it. Dammit, the fucker wasn't even trying to get back into Justice League. Clark had to persuade him. And no, I don't mean he should have gone and begged them to let him in. He doesn't need them.

But let's be honest: none of the Leaguers need the League. But humanity does. That's why they put their differences aside and band together.

Bruce is selfless when it comes to sacrificing his family a la Batman : Ego. Oh!—it's Bruce's children that are dying in Batman's mission. Isn't he so noble?—the picture of tragedy? The greiving father? The man who can't even have a steady romantic relationship because Batman wouldn't let him? So selfless—until he isn't. Until the JL—in other words, a planet full of people—need him to swallow his pride. Then, he isn't selfless anymore.

He's selfless when he's a father sending his children to war for the greater good—but he's not selfless when it's time to swallow his pride, to take the risk of trusting someone even after being traumatised and betrayed—for the greater good. (And honestly his trust issues seem narcissistic when surrounded by people like Dick, Alfred and freaking Commissioner Gordon!)

You know who does it? Dick Grayson. That's who. The “trust no one” maxim has been drilled into him by Bruce, but even then he chooses to trust. Not because he's stupid, but because it's a requirement. He totally expects to be stabbed in the back; he isn't naïve. But he'd rather be betrayed than have someone be barred from help because they seemed suspicious. It's canon in Titans. He says it in words, look it up. To Brother Blood, I guess.

Bruce didn't have to work to get on the League's good side. He just had to reveal his ID to regain trust and that, too, was Clark's idea.

And that's not an attempt at redemption, because if it was, then why did Clark have to do it too? Clark didn't do anything to deserve it. But Bruce forces him to and Clark agrees: for the greater good that the League trusting each other would ensure.

Clark Kent, who chooses to forego a mask so that people trust him. Literally, it comes down to that. Who has to built his whole civilian life around the fact that he shows his bare fucking face to the whole world.

And honestly, if I were to throw genre convention aside and read the text the hard way, Bruce doesn't seem really all that bothered with keeping his ID a secret. He's nothing compared to Clark. I mean. Come on, look at the number of people who know Bruce's ID and the number that know Clark's and tell me. Fucking tell me who's more serious about that stuff.

Bruce's entire existence hinges on other characters�� kindness, in and out of universe. In-universe there's this massive brigade of people who know his ID and keep it a secret. Out of universe, writers who show him to be the best even though Clark, Diana, Dick are all more worthy than him.

This is what you get when you let little incels run creative industries.

What did Bruce ever have to do to redeem himself to anyone? Literally anyone? Bruce would let Gotham burn if it meant he keeps his colossal pride intact. But oh, send his children to die: woe is him, this greiving father, so tragique—would absolutely do that.

He isn't even a hero. You know the impact of Batman: Ego and BtAS pales when put next to his very selfish acts when it comes to himself.

Because always—ALWAYS—the uwu factor in Bruce's stories aren't personal.

Not like it's in Clark's who has to face xenophobia because he's an alien. He's natural existence—his powers that are a part of him existing—being called a threat. He still helps.

Not like Diana who comes to the Man's World and decides to stay behind despite it being, well, a Man's World. That would never really respect her as much as it respects a man, any man, even though she's a literal Goddess. Coming and staying in Man's World for her means loneliness. Being immortal and watching every friend she ever made become a memory. But she chose to do it. Because at the end of the day, it's not about her. It's about helping people.

But for Bruce, in true male-is-default fashion, it's about losing people. People he loves.

His parents' death, Jason's death and so on and so forth. I'm not saying losing someone is not painful. I'm just saying it's always about his manpain.

Making the victim's pain his.

[bookishjules]

i'm gonna say something that might upset some people but i also feel like i'm in a unique position to say it so..

i was raised in a pretty conservative christian household in rural america. and when it came time for me to register to vote in 2015, i did so as a republican. i voted in the primaries in 2016 very much in the hopes that trump would not become the republican candidate. but then he did. and when november came, i was torn. i didn't feel like my candidate represented the republican party as i had come to understand it growing up, but for the financial policies i had been taught to value and for the sake of pushing the government red after eight years of obama, i voted for trump.

and i regretted it almost immediately. (and i have never once voted red since)

the regret was a gut feeling. but it was also a result of how much i saw and learned in the aftermath of that election that i was blind to beforehand. stuff that i didn't even know i didn't know kind of thing. i was at a college in the south and involved in a church there and had a decent mix of voices around me, but where i learned the most? was here. on tumblr.

here's the thing. if i hadn't had access to the voices on here revealing aspects of life and politics i was previously unaware of? if i hadn't been presented with articles and statistics that my right-leaning family wouldn't have entertained? idk if i would have come to my senses as early as i did. and if, in fact, people knew what my vote had been and blocked me for it? if there had been posts going around telling me to go fuck myself and unfollow them.. it probably would have built back up the walls against liberal policies that i had been slowly tearing down since becoming more cognizant of the social and political sphere.

now i'm not saying anyone has a responsibility to teach anyone anything, or even to entertain interactions. i know that we're angry and hurt and we need to prioritize our safety and sanity. but. i do think, especially with how echochamber-y certain online spaces have become, that even just allowing the space for bridges to be built could prove invaluable moving forward.

again, i'm not saying that you need to remain friends or even keep up any relationship with people who voted for trump. and i'm not saying you don't have every right to block maga fanatics. what i'm saying is that there could very well be people (young people esp who may not fully understand the implications of their choice or why the left may hold more merit than they were brought up to believe) who are willing to listen and learn if given the opportunity. and leaving them to rot with the worst of them won't do anything but bolster the right and continue eroding the ever-widening canyon between us. a bleak prospect when you consider that we will have another election in four years and that the right will only become more extreme in that time.

ftr.. please feel free to ignore me if you need to. like i said, your safety and sanity takes precedent. it's just been such a common trend i've seen on both instagram and here and i can't help but think about how closing the door could mean trapping the people who have the potential to grow from the choice they made on election day with that vote and the people who have the potential to drag them further down.

[gabrielsbubblegumbitch]

As you know by now, I absolutely love your headcanons, especially about the Vees, so I was curious to know that you think their love life might have been like on earth. Vox, I could imagine being married and having kids for appearance sake, but hating it. Val, I could see getting married once when he's still young, but overall being more of a fuckboy with plenty of illegitimate children. And Velvette, I'm not really sure. What are your thoughts on the Vees here?

tw // mentions of abuse and suicide

Ohh that's a good one!

So let's start with Vox. You've read my fanfic so you know about his wife. Her name was Vivienne and he was crazily in love with her. Well, at the beginning at least. Honestly, he was in love with the idea of her and how perfect they could have been. He proposed to her quickly and she was essentially pressed into the marriage by her parents, because who would deny a famous multimillionaire? But she fucking despised him and used every opportunity to remind him about that. Vox so desperately wanted her to follow his fantasy he grew to be abusive, constantly struggling between love for the imagined version of her and hatred towards her true self. They've never had a children though because she didn't want to be mother of his children and he didn't want to share her attention with anyone. You know how it turned out for them.

Valentino has never gotten married because he's not a monogamous type. His idea of love is an obsessive passion so in his mind he loved many people. None of his significant ones could bare him for longer than few months. Plus his way of living didn't support building stable realtionships. Any person he loved met a morbid end - killed in a fight between cartels, committed suicide to escape abuse, died of drug overdose or murdered by him. He thinks of himself as a tragic romantic hero, never destined to get his happily ever after because of course he doesn't recognize that he was the problem all along. Also I totally agree he has a bunch of illegitimate children and wouldn't be able to recall a single of their mothers' names. Actually I kinda like the idea that he has a daughter somewhere in hell that is currently plotting how to kill him for being a fucking garbage of a man.

Velvette I headcanon as aromantic and having a severe intimacy issues (disclaimer: those two things are not by any means connected, aromanticism doesn't equal any kind of issue and aro people can built deep and fulfilling raltionships; Velvette is just evil and self centred, that's the problem). So she has never had a love life per se but during her living days as a influencer she dated some fuckboy that looked good on her Instagram and helped her with building brand. Her followers were obsessed with their unhinged not-like-other-couples content, similarly that people used to be obsessed with Harley and Joker in 2010s. But of course Velvette was the big daddy in this relationship, he was just an arm candy, some dumb rich Jared recording emo tracks funded by his parent's money.

[stringsbasement]

Shameless Martlet fan shamelessly asking for underfell Martlet content, possibly her and Clover interacting?

Random side note: I feel like it'd be cool if Clover had a far greater distrust for all adults in underfell, implying that whatever he went through in the base game was worse, because mmmm edgy AU.

clover wont be included in the au! this story's is focused on the green kindness soul: verity :)

for martlet...

she spent most of her childhood in an orhphanage, always being looked down upon for her disability. she was born without complete legs. it's what she suspects to be the reason her parents put her there in the first place. she needed prosthetics, but those were expensive. so; she took it upon herself to rummage through dumpsters and steal from (probably) non occupied homes. she built herself her own two feet, and after that, she kept building; it was a talent she continued to cultivate out of both genuine love for it, as well as spite for all those who never believed in her.

one day, she she met chujin, and proceeded to annoy the hell out of him. surprisingly, he didn't turn her away, and instead took the time to actually try and understand her. he took interest to the things she's created, and eventually she trusted him enough to show him her greatest work, the thing her whole life's been literally standing on. they continue to have a pseudo-parent-child relationship (neither of them acknowledging it) (not adopted, because chujin's a loser who isn't emotionally prepared to do that in any capacity,) but he does look after her when he visits snowdin (which happens more often now). he teaches her a lot of things. they laughed, they bonded, they loved.

martlet knew of ceroba, but she's never met her. not with the dunes being so far away, and not with... kanako.

as much as she hated to admit it, martlet was jealous of her.

kanako. the perfect child. the Hope of the underground. someone untouchable; someone who can Do No Wrong. chujin's daughter.

she would do anything to be chujin's daughter.

martlet used to think she was far too broken to broken to be loved. chujin continues to prove her wrong.

and with that miniscule comfort, with that Hope, martlet Thrives.

(but what she doesn't, and will never know, is that kanako is jealous of martlet.

martlet. overly trusting, overly optimistic, irresponsible, foolhardy, naturally talented but too LAZY to truly make an impact! she's the pinacle of weakness!

compared to kanako, who's a Big Girl!! who doesn't need comfort! who doesn't need anyone to hold her!

she doesn't need her father to talk to her about puzzles and robots like he does with martlet! or get mean cream like he does with martlet! it doesn't matter that she doesn't understand robots, or that she doesn't like mean cream, or that she's never asked for such things in her life because she's Better than that.

and yet. yet.

martlet can do everything kanako can't. she can be imperfect. she IS imperfect. she's broken in every way.

and yet...

chujin loves her.

kanako just wants to understand her father the way martlet so easily does.

that never happens.)

:)

this au is becoming less and less like underfell with each idea i come up for it... it still has the edgy-ness as it's base form, but its a lot more! it surprises even me sometimes!

there's this vitale zenith martlet art i've been working on for a week and thinking about for even longer— ever since this ask!!

here's a tiny sneak that you can peak!! will be posting it here Very Soon

[mariacallous]

Tom O’Donnell had never really been that interested in how elections worked until former president Donald Trump lost in 2020. Then, everything changed.

Like hundreds of thousands of people across the US, O’Donnell joined so-called election integrity groups that posted baseless conspiracies about the 2020 election. His group was called Idaho First Audit, and members flooded election offices across the state with requests for voting data. They weren’t alone: Other organizations like right-wing activist group True the Vote inundated election offices across the country as part of a broader effort they believed would uncover systemic fraud within the election process.

Election workers in Ada County, Idaho, home to the state capital of Boise, were pretty amenable to questions about the election process from O’Donnell’s group. O’Donnell even organized a tour of the Ada County election offices “to learn more about the process of voting,” and struck up a relationship with Trent Tripple, then the deputy county clerk.

But Tripple, who became county clerk last year, was one of the officials struggling to cope with the barrage of records requests and threats that the majority of election offices were receiving at the time. After the records requests overwhelmed the election office’s employees, Tripple and Ada County’s director of election, Saul Seyler, decided they needed to change things up.

So after years of work, they’ve now given election deniers exactly what they’ve been asking for: Last week, Tripple and Seyler launched Ballot Verifier, a first-of-its-kind tool that gives anyone with an internet connection direct access to every single ballot that has been cast in all Ada County elections since 2022, meaning that those in the election denial movement can no longer say that they don’t have access to the information they want.

“We just decided there’s got to be a way that we can push back against this a little bit but also achieve that perfect marriage between technology and government records so that citizens, candidates, parties, everybody has access to all the information that we have,” says Tripple.

The tool provides sleek graphics of all election races, and allows users to filter by type of ballot and even drill right down to precinct level to see an image of every single one of the ballots counted. Crucially, the ballot images are presented alongside what is known as the cast vote record, which is the record of how the ballot tallying machine counted the vote on election day. By showing these side-by-side, anyone can instantly see whether there are any discrepancies.

“I can’t even dream up how we can be more transparent than this,” says Tripple. “There isn’t anything else that we have that the public cannot see.”

Ballot images and cast vote records, both details about elections barely ever mentioned prior to 2020, have become a focus for election conspiracists trying to prove widespread voter fraud conspiracies.

In some cases, election conspiracists have even built programs to look at ballot images. Well-funded groups like True the Vote have built online tools based on voter rolls, previously reported on by WIRED, which they are urging their tens of thousands of supporters to use and then erroneously claim voters should be struck off the voter rolls.

“It's very different if [an online tool] is coming from an independent group, like True the Vote, that obviously has certain political leanings, and information that they're providing is through a lens,” says Seyler, as opposed to “something like [Ballot Verifier], which is available to everybody and truly transparent.” The data, the team says, is also private. “There is nothing that is printed on this ballot other than the individual markings, [nothing] that would tie it to a particular voter,” says Tripple. “The ballot is completely private.”

Still, some election experts have voiced concerns about the potential for systems like Ballot Verifier to pose privacy risks for voters, particularly in small precincts or in cases where voters leave notes on the ballots that could identify them.

“Despite the clear benefits to transparency of releasing cast vote records and ballot images, making these records public comes with trade-offs,” researchers from the Bipartisan Policy Center wrote in August. “Voters’ privacy might be compromised, and vote buying becomes feasible when ballot secrecy is violated—an extreme, if less likely, potential ramification of making ballot images public.”

There have also been some prior efforts to give voters access to ballot images, such as in Pueblo County in Colorado in 2021, but these efforts were not as comprehensive or technically proficient as Ballot Verifier.

At the same time that Tripple and Seyler were trying to think about a better solution, Idaho had been using a tool called ElectionStats to give voters access to statistics around election results. That tool was created by Civera Software, a civic technology company that ended up working alongside Ada County election officials to build out the new Ballot Verifier tool.

And even before the system went live, Tripple invited O’Donnell and other skeptics to be among the first to test it out.

“I think it's really good. It's more than I thought would have happened, because when we request our images now, we just get a data dump of files,” O’Donnell tells WIRED, adding that the Telegram group has responded positively to the launch of Ballot Verifier.

WIRED also tested the Ballot Verifier tool, looking at specific precincts and races, filtering votes by type (mail-in ballot, absentee ballot, etc.) and found that the system worked smoothly and instantly displayed images of every ballot cast.

US elections have never been safer, and the 2020 election was declared the “most secure” by Trump’s own officials. But a lot of people still believe unfounded conspiracies about elections, and the roll out of this tool in one county in one state is not necessarily going to change that overnight. Indeed, a review of O’Donnell’s 400-person Telegram channel by WIRED this week shows that many within the election integrity group are still regularly sharing widely debunked conspiracies about voting.

Adam Friedman, Civera’s founder, believes part of the reason for this is a lack of transparency, something which Ballot Verifier can address.

“A lot of the conspiracy theories and divisiveness and toxic rhetoric and mistrust around elections in America goes hand-in-hand with people not being able to see enough and people perceiving voting as being a black box experience,” says Friedman. “Ballot Verifier is really a way to turn a black box into a glass box.”

Friedman says that Civera had already signed a contract with several counties in Texas to provide the tool to them, and was in discussions with counties in multiple other states. The tool is also of interest to academics, and Friedman says the company is in preliminary conversations with two prominent universities and a number of political scientists who study cast vote records.

But Ballot Verifier is not cheap. Friedman and Civera provided a “large discount” on the research and development costs for this tool, but it still cost Ada County $40,000. While there are no current plans to roll the tool out nationally, Seyler says that while every county could benefit from using a system like it, election budgets have been historically underfunded. While all the backend work to upload new election data is handled by the company’s employees, the company is also currently building tools to allow local election officials to do this themselves, and go even faster.

The next big test for the Ballot Verifier tool comes later this month with the statewide primaries in Idaho on May 21. This will be the first time the officials will be working with recent election data rather than historical data, and they know there will be pressure to get that information online as soon as possible. Seyler says the current projection for getting the data uploaded is four to six weeks, though it could be quicker if Civera can finish some additional tools they are working on to improve efficiencies.

Looking further ahead, Tripple even foresees a point when data is available in Ballot Verifier so quickly after a vote that it could be used by candidates or parties to decide whether a recount is necessary, potentially avoiding the expensive and drawn-out recount process.

“That's not going to be possible now because of the speed at which we're uploading this data, but I think that's something that could be happening in the future,” says Tripple.

[myseungsunglove]

Unexpected | Ksm

Pairing: Seungmin x Reader

Warnings: fluffy angst adjacent

Word Count: 1k

𖠫Summary: MC finds herself writing a letter to her boyfriend Kim Seungmin to tell him all of the seemingly small and insightful ways and not so small ways she has felt loved by him when she never expected to feel truly loved by anyone.

Thoughts: This is another odd one. It comes from a very personal place, and it just kind of manifested without me meaning for it to. Hopefully it will reach someone who feels all of these things too.

✎WIP✎: working on a few Han pieces and Seungmin as well that are a bit more fluffy than my most recent pieces.

◠ ◡ ◠᭚ιαᵕ̈

「© July 25, 2023 by mysweethannie」

I’ve never been one to love hard and trust fast. I judge hard and trust slow. It takes a lot for someone to break down my walls, or for me to hand them the key to my seemingly impenetrable heart. I don’t think there’s anyone who really knows me.

Until I met you, Kim Seungmin.

I didn’t expect to fall in love with you, but there is something about you that makes me feel safe. Makes me feel like I don’t have to keep up the walls that I’ve so expertly built around myself. I can be me and you’ll be you and everything‘s okay. Everything is more than okay.

Before you, I had told myself that I was content with the dull loneliness that had become my constant companion in life. I was sure I wasn’t capable of giving love to anyone. This was something I was told each time a relationship inevitably crumbled. And because I loved so differently from other people, it made me unlovable. I somehow convinced myself that I was actually happy with this kind of life, not being loved, and that I couldn’t really find any kind of joy in a relationship because of my inability to love someone like they wanted or deserved. I really believed it to be true.

You changed all of that, Kim Seungmin.

I hate it when people say that love finds you when you least expect it. I hate it so much because that’s exactly what happened with you. I never expected to find you. I certainly wasn’t looking. I guess it was a good thing you were literally right in front of me. Sometimes I swear my life is one big romantic comedy where the writer forgot to give me the script, so I’m not sure when to laugh at how ridiculous my life seems sometimes.

I didn’t expect for you to be the only thing I think about on the dark nights that I don’t see you when our schedules don’t align or I don’t get to fall asleep in your arms. That’s so unlike anything I’ve ever experienced in love before. When I really think about it, I don’t think I’ve ever actually experienced love before you.

I never knew love could be so all consuming, at least not for someone like me. Not for someone who appears physically cold and distant at times and doesn’t know how to connect with people on a physical level. I was certain for a long time that I must be broken because I’ve never felt the things that other people had talked about when they talked about love. I’m still not always sure I convey my love for you adequately but you tell me you love me. Those three words are words you don’t use frequently or utter lightly so I know you must feel some kind of love from me or you wouldn’t risk the vulnerability of telling me you love me. It’s ironic how learning about you and how you love actually helps me learn about myself.

Funnily enough, the love we share, it’s still somehow different from the love I see between other people around me. You love me quietly in your own way yet I’ve never felt more loved, more seen, more known. You don’t have to say those three words every day for me to understand how deeply you feel about me.

I didn’t expect to feel loved when you give me a knowing side eye from the corner of the room when I’m stuck in a conversation with Chan or Changbin.

I didn’t expect to feel loved when you sit down beside me, your thighs pressing close to mine, your hand running soothingly along my back as I work on lyrics for a new song.

I didn’t expect to feel loved, and maybe I should have, when your fingers intertwined with mine, your thumb rubbing gently against my skin the first time I had a panic attack while I’m with you in public.

I didn’t expect to feel loved when you wrote and sang a song just for me. Your voice feels like the safest place on earth, and I know I don’t tell you that enough so this is me telling you.

I didn’t expect to feel loved the first time our lips met. This one may blow people away, but I’d never felt it before so why should I have thought this time would be any different? I guess my first clue should have been that everything was different with you, but somehow I still managed to be surprised.

Finally, and maybe this one is the saddest, but I didn’t expect to feel so loved the first time we made love or even every time after that. My connection with people is always emotional first, and that doesn’t always translate to physical attraction or deep connection. In fact, it very rarely does. Even when it does, my body doesn’t keep up with what my mind wants if that even makes sense. With you, every time you touch me intimately, my body is alight in a way I have never experienced before with anyone and honestly I had no idea it was even possible. No one has ever made me feel every emotion imaginable all at once, but Seungmin when you press closely to me, your long arms wrapping around me safely, my brain fires in a way I’m not sure it even learned to until you. It’s like you were a missing piece my brain needed to finally be whole.

I didn’t expect to fall in love with you, Kim Seungmin, but I'm certain I couldn’t do life without you now.

[brainr0t-landfill]

🌇Push/Pull

gn! reader x Kyle 'Gaz' Garrick

"The kindness of strangers and the strangeness of everyone I know has just fucked with my heart."

-Flower Face, Honey and Milk

(tw:co-depandancey, unhealthy relationship)

Kyle is watching you get ready. He's watching you put on his favourite shirt, the one that sticks to the shape of your waist, he watches as you sling on the belt that he likes to hook his finger between when his hands get sweaty from holding your waist, he watches you put on the sunscreen, the Chapstick he bought you, the same brand as his ex but different flavour, the flavour he revealed in licking off his lips in the afterglow of your quick, chaste kisses.

And he's seething.

"So Fiona introduced me to some folks and we're meeting at the park today-"

Well maybe seething isn't the right word, maybe off-put describes his feelings better, maybe saying he feels left out or underappreciateed is much more appropriate.

"-and she asked me again why you can't come and I told her-"

"I can't come because I'm still injured from the last misson love, how many times do I have to tell you?"

"Right, that's what I told her and-"

It's not that he doesn't like you going out, he does! He likes to strut around his pretty baby, he glows whenever he gets to show you off to the friends and colleagues that he goes on and on to you about. Whenever they say as long as he's happy he smiles, leans down to kiss your cheek, he's happy he's so happy.

Happier than ever.

Or at least he used to be.

"-and she said we could just sit at a café and talk or do something else but I said-"

"You said I fucking hate coffee right? And that I don't want to be around your group of brain-dead, usless-"

He stops himself takes a deep breath that stings his ribs, forces his disdain down.

"-friends?"

You freeze hands on hold as their buttoning up your pants and he gets to drink in every little shift on your face, once upon a time he had an abundant source of them now he gets scraps.

He knows it's unfair, since most of them are his friends or people from his circle but he'd do anything to get some more of you.

"Something along those lines."

"That's my pretty baby."

Kyle met you in a small, underfunded museum.

As a British patriot he likes to stroll around, check out new art exhibits, museums, statues. He likes to keep his pointer finger on the pulse of things and luckily for him he found you there, tucked behind a birch desk eyes wet and reddened nose pinkish from cold like a little rabbit, shaking ,frozen fingers constantly tucking in your scarf that kept coming undone.

"So we're going to the park to see the new flowers set up-"

By then you were still fairly new to London, to it's frigid, charecteristic weather. 

Just a bleak foreign student trying to work and study but you were the most inept, socially incapable thing he'd ever seen.

Try as he might he could never picture you raising your hand in class, asking for notes or showing anyone but him around the displays he couldn't picture you anywhere else either, it was like they had placed you here then built the decaying museum around you.

"-then we're gonna go to that bookshop Mark's been going on and on about-"

You were stuttery, overly apologetic, the only attendant in a cramped museum where half the displays were badly kept and the rest were moldy due to the leaking roof but Kyle liked you, he liked the way you talked the way you gushed on and on about the exhibits in that fast paced, high pitched voice of yours like you were desperate for anyone to listen to you, like any attention shown to you, like you were desperate for anyone's light to stay on you long enough to warm your clammy skin.

He liked that. Like feeling important, big, sought after.

"-then we'll probably visit the mall where you first introduced me to them, since its the anniversary of our friendship and all!"

He cringes at the over-emotional sentiment.

Then you moved in with him, Kyle was used to living with someone he often boosted about his independencey but he had first moved out with his childhood sweetheart who he was sure he'd marry and then there had always been someone to keep the house alive when he was away working and you had easily filled that role.

"It's so nice being able to go out in public without feeling like I'm gonna heel over and die y'know?"

"Tell me about it."

You stayed inside most of the time but you did your best to contribute to rent and keep the house in order, you often cooked for him too and Kyle realized the whole bit about soldiers and the way to their hearts wasn't that far off. 

He doesn't remember when the two of you started dating it wasn't a big deal it was the natural conclusion of things, you moved from the floor mattress to the couch to his bed.

And he restocked his diwindling supply of condoms.

"Are you...mad? Kyle ,you know I can stay in if you don't wanna be alone or if this is bad day or-"

"Did I say that?"

You quickly went from being the tiniest, most pathetic thing he'd seen to being a inconsequential thing with benefits then before he knew it you were the thing that pulled him out of bed every morning, the thing that gave him purpose, kept him warm and full of hope like light crawling out from under a doorway. He associates you with warm bedsheets, the last candle during a power shortage, breakfast for dinner, home; he doesn't dare wonder what you associate him with.

Then your first panic attack happened.

"Did I say one bloody thing that even mildly implied that lovely?"

"Well no but-"

It had been a regular morning till he saw you curled into yourself in bed breathing heavily, eyes unfocussed.

 He hadn't even needed to ask what was wrong, he just wrapped his arms around you and pressed his nose to the side of your hair, breathes in the smell of your anxious sweat, listened to your sharp quick breaths.

He remembers feeling this intense sense of gratitude, of privilege. He was the only one that got to see these, got to see you. He was trusted, entitled. 

He was loved and loving.

"Then don't pull shit out your ass."

It was addictive, you were addictive.

Never before had he a lover so colorful, so twitchy and moist, you made life fun and he was cold when he met you.

He desperately wishes now that he had kept you to himself, that he hadn't introduced you to his friends ,his colleagues he hadn't wanted you to go on searching for new horizons he had just wanted to show off his perfect lover, his one in a thousand that followed him home.

"I-I know Kyle I'm sorry, I really am."

"I know you are, you always are, go hang out with your dumb mates, remember to pick up groceries on the way back, yeah? Miss your cooking."

"Oh already did yesterday, with Burns! Pasta dinner tonight?"

And now you're leaving him, leaving him sprawled and injured on the bed as you go on and expose his precious to other people, he tries to be happy for you and he is.

 He's happy that you're better , that you're back in the cycle of life, back in the crowd like any other civilian but what about him?

You bend down placing a hand on his chest as you press firm, sweet kisses all over his face starting from his brow and ending on his lips, no one reaches for him like you do, no one makes him as warm ad you, he's aware he only has a small pocket of light left before his vanity wears off.

He lays there soaking it in, you pull back too quick.

"I'll pick up our meds and some pesto for you while I'm out okay?"

He nods as he watches you leave but when he licks his lips it's not the familiar taste of artificiall cherry that he'd grown accustomed to, it's apple.

[bubblegum-glitch]

The Lines We Won't Cross and How They Change

Let's rewind time a little bit, back to the year 2011. I had joined this little website called tumblr and had made an acquaintance whose confidence would begin to inspire me to branch out and try all kinds of things I never could have seen myself doing before that point in my life. I began recording and publishing vocal covers to YouTube, I started showing off my artwork publicly, and I even posted a single topless photo of myself online - all because I couldn't stop comparing myself to this random fucking girl. If she could do it, so could I...

But I was determined that I could do it better.

The "relationship" I built with this online stranger is a little odd, and probably would throw up several red flags for some people. I can't explain why I felt such a strong sense of rivalry between us, and I know she never felt the same, but there was just something about my interactions with this person that made me want to always do better than her, even to this day (even though I'm 100% sure she doesn't even remember who I am).

Creepy? Weird? Stalker-y? I dunno. Probably. Harmless? Absolutely. All I can say is she is the one who ultimately introduced me to the world of "Topless Tuesdays" and the alternative modelling site "SuicideGirls."

She had posted a set to SuicideGirls as a hopeful, and being in full rival mode at the time I had considered doing the same. Ultimately I decided against it however, as the fear of any member of my family every finding out gave me far too much anxiety to overcome (hold this thought). Not to mention I couldn't bring myself to believe I was "pretty enough" to succeed.

I often wonder what would have come of that if I had ever gone ahead with that hopeful photo-set submission.

But I digress.

Let's jump ahead in the timeline to around 2017/2018 (I can't quite remember when). I had a case of the retail woes, a certificate in photography, and a foolish idea to escape the Hellscape that is customer service once and for all. The internet had informed me that feet pics were in and there was mountains of cash just waiting for me, all I had to do was step on a twinkie or two.

Long story short (or short story shorter) I failed in this business venture pretty much immediately. It's harder than you think to market and sell pictures of your tootsies.

Now, let's spin back a bit to where I mentioned my fear of my family discovering my nudity online. This is a topic I will address a bit more in a future post, but I will let you know now that although my parents do try their best to steer more towards the life of liberal boomers, they are still very uncertain of LGBTQA+ topics and VERY against sex work. I have built a strong and close relationship with my mother, but if she ever discovered what I've begun doing for work I believe it would ruin all of what we have.

Early in 2023 I began weighing that fear of my family discovering me against the possibility of actually making a living wage by taking my shirt off for strangers online. After many discussions with my husband (who has been fully supportive since day one) and a long time of back and forth with my decision, I finally decided to give OnlyFans a try.

Originally I had no intentions of posting more than some topless photos. I used what I knew about photography, photo editing, and makeup to my advantage to create some high quality, if a little bit minimal, content. Upon seeing there was some interest, but being unable to hold the attention of anyone for long, I decided to step over that initial line I had drawn for myself and posted some full nudes. Immediately I started seeing a positive response and suddenly I had a little extra spending money.

At that time I said that this was as far as I was willing to go. Excuse my vulgarity here but I had no intentions of doing pussy pics or spreading my asshole. Tasteful nudes, and no farther.

I stuck to that line for about a year, until the inevitable "Fuck it" moment I previously posted about occurred in July of 2024. I stepped over the line again and started posting some more risque content at a premium rate. It was then that my OnlyFans really started to take off and I was seeing actual financial gain in response.

Once more I drew a new line for myself that I swore I would not cross. Absolutely no video content.

But then I couldn't stop considering making that video content. I would think about it so often that I actually began frequently dreaming about creating pornographic films.

So once again I turned to my partner and we discussed the pros and cons, and eventually I decided to dip a toe over the edge and get a sense of the temperature of the deep end.

Admittedly, that first masturbation video I made embarrassed the fuck out of me. I felt exposed, I felt ugly, and I felt very stupid. But then the response to it came.

"I love this."

"That was so hot."

"You're so gorgeous."

"More, please."

So I decided to try again, and again, and then suddenly I fucking LOVED making the videos. The sense of empowerment, the ego boost - It gives me this absolute sense of control. Something I have been missing in every single career I've ever had in my life.

It was about the third video that I realized "This is it. This is exactly what I want to keep doing with my life for the next several years."

But this is the point where I want to say this to anyone reading my blog who is considering this vocation as a future (or even current) option:

Set your rules early. Understand what you do and do not feel comfortable doing, and express that to your followers. You NEVER have to do anything that you are not comfortable with, even if it's what people are trying to push you to do. At the end of the day it is about your level of comfort, not their level of enjoyment. Set the line you will not cross and do not cross it unless YOU want to. You might have to work a little harder to build a community, but you can get there.

I still have multiple things I will not do, some of which I will likely never do, and others I might be open to one day exploring.

There is no timeline in existence where I will ever be comfortable sexting someone. I'm not even comfortable doing that with my own husband. It's just not for me.

I will not do the dom/sub stuff.

BDSM - Yeah, not happening.

Fetish content - It depends, I have no problem sitting on a cake and giving my husband a foot job, but most Fetish content is a nope from me.

Threesomes? Absolutely not.

Meetups? Hell to the fucking no. My husband is the only person I'm sleeping with and I'm firm on that, thank you.

In this industry you are the boss. What you say goes and your followers can either take what you're giving and appreciate what you do, or they can pack up and find someone else to pester with their more extreme requests.

Who you are and what your destiny is belongs to you and only you. Don't let anyone convince you to change if that's not what you want to do.

Never be afraid to say no.

---

As a side note before I close out this entry, I've opened up an Askfm account so you can ask me anything anonymously. It can be about me, about my journey, or even just general advice for starting work in this industry. I'm by no means an expert, but if I can offer some insight to help you out I would be honoured to do so!

[classicintp]

There is this whole idea that flipping a two sided coin doesn't have a 50-50 probability. It's not a new idea by any means, but the explanation is if you measured the mass of the coin, the force of the flip, the temperature of the coin & of the room, the force of any breeze, wind, or vibration in the air as it traveled, and so on, you could accurately determine within a small margin of error what side the coin will land on every time, and if you kept those constant it would flip on the same side every time. And that idea is also KIND OF the explanation for the conclusion in quantum physics that there is no free will.

A lot of people hear that and either clutch their pearls, roll their eyes, or aren't interested either way. (I mean, when you say some shit like that you're just going to immediately turn off any interest most people would have otherwise had but I'm digressing now). We all like to think we make decisions and choices, and then amateurs who want to talk about quantum mechanics alienate everyone by saying it's not true: you were always going to make these choices with no chance to make the other one.

But what I said in the first paragraph is something-like (but not exactly) what it means when you hear or read that according to quantum physics we have no free will. That if we had an unfathomable device that has been measuring all the variables of every single particle that was expelled during the Big Bang, with an also-sufficient/also-currently-unfathomable algorithm to plug those variables into, all within a computer that could do all of the calulations for BILLIONS of years, we could compute exactly where every particle was going and where it would end up, including those that make up the stars and planets, that make up the ground and oceans, that make up the animals and plants, that make up your brain and all of the proteins and neurotransmitters. That if it could all be measured and an algorithm sufficiently built then the decisions you make are already determined by the ongoing relationships and interactions the particles that make up your brain had in the past and are having right now.

However, humans cannot measure that, they likely never ever will.

Anyone that tells me they don't like quantum mechanics because something something affront to nature blah blah "they" don't believe in free will, etc. literally doesn't know it's just a rescale of the coin toss description. You still believe coin tosses are 50-50 because you aren't going to measure the variables used to receive an answer, you can still believe in free will because you can't measure the variables used to determine the ultimate path of all particles; I mean, I wouldn't become a theoretical physicist if that meant so much to you but I'm not your dad, do what you want.

Edit: I know I described the science mostly wrong, please check out the replies and reblogs for others' corrections and feel free to add corrections of your own for mine and others' learning, thank you.

[marabarl-and-marlbara]

hello. i'm not sure how to phrase this properly but do you have any advice on not being afraid of being social with real humans? i admit i am a bit paranoid. i do not want to share anything about myself with anyone in real life, i do not want to use any social media that can be easily traced back to my real identity, i am afraid of meeting up with and talking to people i can meet locally etc. i know that human connection requires vulnerability and being "real", but i've seen far too many examples of people being bullied for being themselves and from my experiences relationships don't last that long, i can't keep friends, so it's almost not worth it to open up that much because it can be used against you later once you stop talking etc etc etc., at least that's what i think. i don't know how to perceive people as kind and stop being afraid. it's hard. sorry if this question is not phrased well.

hi anonymous; i:m terrible to ask for this!

i have basically no real-life relationships and my whole life has basically been a tomb built upon an inability to change, connect, and grow; spiritually i:m like what happens if the bacteria inside an empty house is allowed to stagnate and flow in-to the floorboards till it becomes like a fat pungent jelly saturating the baseboards, principal post, foundation; nasty and tepid and like a black mold :-))!

any-ways: what helped me get-over my social anxiety, slightly, was just gradual exposure at my own behest: forcing myself to go-out and get something nice for myself weekly/daily; when i had a little more money: this would be stopping out for coffee; or: just going to a thrift-store and looking at books.

for internet stuff and bullying: being open and facing consequence for your own existence is just part-and-parcel of being a person; even: if you are "making a career out of yourself" (whether it be an artist, or just some prolific poster (i:d consider this a career, absolutely, because when i was "way emotionally worse" i:d more-or-less literally get financially incentivized for being actively suicidal and mentally ill--blood sacrifice)) you sort-of implicitly are surrendering a barrier between yourself and other, cause ultimately it:s All About Connection & people don:t connect to barriers super well; incidentally, i think i had a worse time with "bullying" when i had more to be ashamed about myself, and had more internal insecurities -- but i also cared more about my identity as an artist; i:ve Confronted(!) the parts i:ve been too ashamed to confront and made peace with them, and now am mostly content with just housekeeping.

But: i:m still terrifically lonely. purpose and identity helps there; the only things that have ever abated the loneliness for me is being completely ensorcelled with /something/ (like a writing project, drawing, fleshing out an inner world, feeling like i am furthering my goal to the Communication/bacteria) -- and those only come as impulses for me; without: every-day is just a lonely dead-quiet stretch between meals that:s filled up with finding excuses to keep myself busy.

~but: i think that:s also "better;" i keep myself to a routine and give myself responsibilities that i don:t let myself shirk (my praying, my cleaning, my exercising, forcing myself to go to church once a week, my cooking, my grocery shopping); it:s like what moto realizes at the end of boogiepop phantom episode 1,

unfortunately we have to reconcile ourselves by ourselves, and likely: that is a life-time struggle that none of us get to shirk;

if you:d like a recommendation, anonymous, i:d like you to watch "boogiepop and others" (not "boogiepop phantom") episode 6; it:s an episode about that struggle, suema talks about it; if i:m feeling super-duper down i:ll listen to that conversation @ the end of episode 6 between suema and aya, about the struggle with the imaginator, and whether-or-not boogiepop is real.

anyways, i don:t think i gave you great advice here anonymous; even: i doubt any of this will lift your spirits >:-)) but @ minimum: try to be kind to yourself, including patience with yourself, and also responsibility to yourself; often it seems like people are awaiting another to come and pluck the dirt out of us: but that dirt is us, and all another can do is add more slurry to us.

take care chief.

[darkness-falls-tarot]

Andrew Garfield, his future partner.

All readings are alleged and for entertainment purposes only; please take each reading with a grain of salt.

Guys I’m going to preface this with I have never had a more wonderful reading for any celebrity soulmate or partner until this one. This is definitely one of the best energies I picked up on.

General Personality: the sun, queen of wands, page of wands - okay first up wow this person is amazing. They have the ability to light up every room they enter with their positive energy and confidence; they make everyone around them feel at ease but also intimidated because of how sure of themselves they are. They have this youthfulness to them and the kindness that many would wish for in a partner or friend. This is all around one of the best energies I’ve ever read for anyone.

Oracle card: ascending - this person is always learning from those around them and nothing stands in their way. They are always out for adventure or any new experience in life.

Career: four of pentacles, 9 of wands reversed - I believe this person has a very stable and financial beneficial job but this career choice is one that can be risky. They’re not sure of what the next day may bring or what the future holds; this person is doing well now but they may feel that they have reached the peak of their career. This person could be in the industry as is Andrew but they may not think they can get any better than where they are; they may have accepted the work they get and the fact that any day it will be over. They have made sure to put funds aside for their life and probably will be fine. Idk why but I feel this person may have worked on a BBC show or is currently on one. They’re probably just a bit younger than he is.

What do they think of Andrew: 8 of pentacles - they admire his work ethic; he’s been working hard for years and has built up quite a career and reputation in the industry; they know that he will achieve greater success than he has now and they are rooting for him.

What does Andrew think of this person: 6 Of pentacles - Andrew thinks this person is one of the kindest people on earth. They may be known for charity work and their warmth towards others. They have been very successful in work and also with the many charities and organizations they work with.

What will bring these two together: page of swords, knight of cups - these two are going to meet at an event. This could be an awards ceremony, a charity banquet or even a red carpet for a festival. Once they meet the two will talk and share a passion for the event itself or even just their admiration of one another. They will most likely be by each other the whole night.

What do these two have in common: 6 of wands - these two know what it’s like to be in the spotlight. (I’m definitely saying this person is an actor) They each have achieved a lot of success and praise for their work; both of these two I believe have dedicated fans.

What will the relationship be like: 2 of cups, the world, 5 of cups reversed - these two are definitely going to be a great couple! They are a soulmate pairing and they will definitely lift each other up from previous struggles or anything that weighed them down in recent years. They will have a lot of love to share and it’s been building in their hearts for years and they will finally have someone to give it to. They will accept the past and be grateful for it now because it’s lead to this wonderful person in their lives.

Oracle: heartbroken, girl with snake - there may be a bad breakup coming for one of these two once they meet each other. I’m sensing this person has a partner and they will probably be enchanted by Andrew or vice versa and break things off with the other partner. These two may start off in secret because they were supposed to be with someone else. 🫢

What does this person look like: this person a strong woman; she’ll have dark hair and blue eyes with a voluptuous figure. She will be a very casual dressed person, choosing comfort over style every day.

When will these two get together: possibly Nov 1 2024 will be when they initially have their conversation.

Zodiac: ☀️- Gemini

🌕 - Aries

⬆️ - Sagittarius